The Horrors of Marui Bunta
by Waking Hyde
Summary: Marui Bunta is addicted to sweets. It's a well-known fact, and most people respect that. Most. Someone, however, decides to steal his candies. On his birthday. Needless to say, Marui is not amused. T for language.


**A/N: **Oh god, I love Marui. Didn't really realize it before now, but I really LOVE that guy. Too bad this fic doesn't do him justice, considering he's like... Mad with addiction... And whatnot. Oh well. Happy birthday, Marui!

Seriously, it might be some OOC-ness here, and Niou might suffer (or pleasure) the Atobe-effect... But hell, I can't help it, I love that guy to bits!

**Disclaimer: **Do. Not. Own.

**Warnings: **Un-beta'd text, some swearing and slight sexual references. It contains Niou, what do you expext?

* * *

**The HORROR!**

Marui Bunta hummed softly to himself as he approached his locker at the tennis club's locals. It was his birthday, and he could not wait before starting on his new supplies of sweets. For once, his mother had actually given him some, as a gift, giving him enough money to buy... Well, even more sweets. Because, as we all know, Marui Bunta loves his sweets.

On his way, he passed second year Kirihara, acknowledging him with a merry wave as the younger scowled.

"Mornin', shorty!" Marui grinned, giving him a wink as he passed.

"Morning, sempai," Kirihara muttered in response. "Oi, Jackal said it was your birthday today... So happy birthday, I guess?" he added as an afterthought. Marui merely grinned at him again, and proceeded to his locker. The thought of his sweet, sweet candies and piles of cookies seemed terribly tempting right now...

Continuing his humming, he quickly turned the wheel to the correct combination, before wrenching it open.

What he saw, however, left him as dumbstruck and shocked as frightened.

"W-what..." he stammered with wide eyes, still eyeing the contents of his locker, as if willing it to reveal itself as an illusion. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

Kirihara observed his senior curiously, wondering what he could be going on about.

"Uhm... Senpai?"

"WHAT THE HELL, KIRIHARA?! WHAT THE HELL!!"

"Senpai... Would you - "

"Argh, the HORROR! Why, oh why, divine entities of sweets?! WHY?!

At that moment, Yanagi and Jackal chose to enter, immediately regretting it as they watched the tirade of the bewildered redhead.

"Kirihara-kun," Yanagi started with a frown. "Why is Marui screaming like no tomorrow?"

"Dunno," Kirihara shrugged. "He opened his locker and... Got all crazy and stuff." As Yanagi raised an eyebrow, he quickly added, "I swear, it wasn't me!"

"I think I heard the word 'sweets' - " Jackal tried to say, but was interrupted by the howling Marui.

"Sweets! My darling sweets! Oh god, the HORROR!!"

"... My analysis gives me reason to believe that there is something wrong with his sweets - "

"ACK! MY SWEETS!!"

"I think you should stay away from the s-word, Yanagi."

"Indeed, it seems to cause some sort of reaction."

"'Some sort of reaction'?" Kirihara mimicked sceptically. "I could have said that, with less words! He's upset!" With a slight huff, he turned towards Marui, who was practically crying by this point.

"Marui-sempai," he tried awkwardly. "What's wrong? Maybe we can help...?"

"My SWEETS!" Marui hollered. Kirihara sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Yeah, we got that point already," he said, surprised by his own patience. "But what's the matter with them?"

"They're GONE!" Marui cried in response. "And even worse... Some evil soul has replaced them... WITH A CARROT!!" He carefully picked up said orange vegetable, keeping it as far away as possible, all the while looking at it as if he was afraid it would infect him any time.

"Wow, Marui with a vegetable, I think I must be delusional," a voice sounded from the exit, making everyone turn to look at the newcomer.

"It's not funny, Niou," Marui scowled, still keeping the carrot as far away as he could. "Rather, it's creepy! It's horrifying! But what's worse, is that my darling sweets – OH GOD, WHAT HORROR! - is still all alone out there, somewhere... All alone..."

"On the contrary," Niou laughed. "It's hilarious! And you're not helping the situation!"

"You're being a bastard, Niou," Jackal scolded, watching as Marui once more tried to look into his locker, frantically searching for more candies. Naturally, it remained as empty as before. "Be nice, it's his birthday."

"Oh, I know," Niou cackled. "I sent him an SMS, wishing him a happy birthday! Although..." he added with a smirk. "It doesn't seem that happy now..."

"Of course not!" Marui replied, before anyone else had a time to respond. "My sweets! They're GONE! May whoever bastard did this go to HELL and STAY THERE!!"

"Oh, do I feel sorry for the bastard," Niou rolled his eyes, still grinning at the carrot. Jackal frowned.

"I don't," he said easily. "Everyone knows Marui doesn't do well when separated from his... Cause of addiction."

"I agree," Yanagi nodded.

"Me too," Kirihara said. "I imagine Marui-senpai might get violent soon."

Fortunately for them, the subject of their conversation remained unaware, still keeping his eyes on that cursed carrot which had, in Marui's mind, robbed him of his sweets.

"Maybe it has eaten them..." he mumbled, poking the strange thing cautiously. "Yeah... That must be it... The vegetable thought they were so good, it sneaked into my locker and ate them... Of course..."

Kirihara stared wide-eyed at his senpai as he continued to mutter suspicions regarding the carrot. Apparently, it was unknown to Marui that the carrot was an inanimate item, and thus could not eat the candy.

"Which is why no one has given him a fucking racket or any other potentially dangerous items yet," Niou replied dryly, ignoring Marui's latest speculations. "Apart from that carrot, maybe. Who knows, he might stuff it down the throat of that dude, or maybe anal rape him with it or something. I don't really care."

"Niou!" Yagyuu's stern voice suddenly boomed. Niou visibly flinched. "Speak properly! We have minors here!" He nodded at Kirihara, who glared in response, as he approached.

"What the hell, I'm a minor too!" Niou pouted. Yanagi raised an eyebrow.

"Then act like it."

"Wow, and people usually say that when talking about maturity."

"Common rules and norms don't apply to you, you're a bastard."

"Oh god! Yagyuu! Mind your language! We have MINORS!" Niou put a hand to his chest in fake astonishment. Yagyuu merely ignored him and turned to Marui, still with the carrot, and quickly put two and two together.

"Doesn't anyone have respect for other people on their birthdays anymore?" he sighed. Jackal shrugged, while Yanagi shook his head. Yagyuu turned back to Niou, glaring at him suspiciously.

"Is this your work, Niou?" he frowned. Niou shrugged carelessly.

"If it was, then I would've had enough brains to not come back here," he replied casually. "I mean, it's dangerous to be around Marui when he doesn't... " he paused slightly, and grinned at the depressed redhead. "Have his sweets."

He received the desired reaction. Marui broke out of his reverie, before standing up quickly, pointing the carrot at the ceiling with maniacal eyes.

"My sweets!" he cried. "My sweets! My precious, precious sweets! Someone will pay and burn in hell before Satan himself will sentence them to the eternal punishment of picking cabbage of a soup! WITH DICTIONARIES! For the love of all that is holy, MY SWEEEEEETS!"

He suddenly dashed out between them, making a run for the door and successfully knocked down Kirihara in the process. Before the others in the room could even blink, he was gone.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Whoa, I didn't know he knew the word cabbage."

"Niou!" The others shouted in unison. The silverhead looked at them innocently.

"What?" He said. "It's a vegetable! … Sort of thing! The way he looked at that carrot, one would believe he hadn't seen anything like it before! Save perhaps a really bright dildo, but - "

"Unless you shut it, Niou," Yagyuu started threateningly, glaring at the smaller boy. "I swear, I will get Sanada."

"F-fine, Sanada can make me run laps," Niou shrugged. "I don't fucking care."

"I will get Yukimura."

"..." That shut him up successfully, at least.

"Oh my, is that the sound of silence?" Yanagi muttered quietly. "I haven't heard that since our first year."

"Enjoy it while it lasts, I don't think it will be long," Jackal whispered back. Yanagi smiled in agreement.

Jackal was right. Yagyuu had barely begun leading Niou out of the club room, before they heard a loud "SWEEEEETS!" Echoing off the walls, immediately followed by an exasperated Marui.

"I just went to see Yukimura," he announced, breathing hard. "He said he would by me new sweets!"

"Good for you," Kirihara replied, rolling his eyes. Marui chose to ignore him.

"But he also says he thinks it was the Oak Gremlins who stole my candy," he proceeded, frowning slightly. "He said they eat candy... Ack, my poor, poor sweets! The HORROR!"

"Yes, it's horrible," Yanagi agreed monotonously. "Maybe you should just go to the store before they eat you too."

"Yeah, they might mistake your hair for gum," Niou added with a smirk, earning him a whack on the head from Yagyuu.

Marui, however, seemed unaffected. Whether it was because he had completely tuned out Niou a long time ago, or because of his new madness due to lack of sweets, Yanagi could not state. The odds were about 47.3% versus 52.8%., but he still made a mental note about it.

As quickly as he had arrived, Marui vanished again. … To buy his sweets.

"Well, I think that is our cue to leave," Jackal stated awkwardly, grabbing his bag before he moved out, closely followed by Yanagi and Yagyuu.

Kirihara scowled slightly at Niou, the only one left in the room besides himself.

"Niou-sempai?"

"Hmm?"

"Was it really you who stole Marui-sempai's sweets?"

"What do you think, twerp?"

"... Yes?"

"You bet I did. Marui is so much fun to mess with."

"What did you do to his candy?"

"Ate a lot of 'em. And attached his big bag of doughnuts to the flag pole. If he's heading to the store, he should see them about..."

"MY SWEEEEETS!!"

"... Now."

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Yes, that ending was not quite creative. I might fix it. Sometime.

But, please review and tell me what you think!


End file.
